I guess the problem is that I like Darkness, I like exploring the darker side of nature, but women can't, or, they need to know a person very well before taking that chance. What to men is seductive and a turn on is to women something else entirely. Women, to be quite frank, can't take the chance that darkness entails. There's so much violence and exploitation against and of women in this society that the traditional things which used to mean turn on now mean danger, danger which is real and which women are pretty smart to try to avoid. It's a matter of self protection. Macho guys? Bad boys? Sexual exploitation and chauvanism.
Trying to tap into some sort of primal urge for seduction and pleasure? We know where that's headed. No matter how you try to cover it up, no matter what inclusive language you use, there isn't equality between the sexes in this society. Men have the power and women have to deal with that power, with being the objects which that power fixates on.
The traditional ways reinforce that power dynamic.
It's different with men. Something which has been going through my mind for a long time is that the place of gay men in the vanguard of sexual liberation, which is where they've been for a long time, is both poignant and indicative of how society is. After all, men who deal with men have much less to worry about than women who deal with men. Although there are psychos in the gay world as well there's much less difference of psychology and of perspective. Usually there's not much ambiguity between two men who are circling each other trying to hook up, there's no sense of social coercion or issues of even if this is really what they want to do or is simply a role that training and social influence has thrust onto them. That gay men have been in the vanguard of sexual liberation has been a good enough thing but it's also telling about the society that we live in that only when two people from the dominant sex hook up can there truly be the kind of sexual freedom that people talk about ideally being built towards and ideally existing.
I'm just lost. And the comodity which would make something like I want happen is a commodity I don't have: long term friendships with women out here and the trust which comes with those relationships.
I hope that those will eventually manifest.